Monday, May 19, 2008

Rainy days and Mondays. . .

I knew I was in for an emotionally unstable kinda day when I woke on the verge of tears lamenting the fact that my kids don't take bubble baths anymore. C'mon, what's that all about?!

It seems I'm having one of those "rainy days and Mondays always gets me down" kind of days, only it's not raining...yet. It's been raining off and on for the past few days and it seems that it may continue for a few more. This morning seemed to be promising sunshine, but now it's a bit cold and cloudy and the forecast is calling for scattered showers.

For some odd reason, I just can't stop breaking into tears today. Nothing's wrong. The kids are healthy, Hubby's great, I'm feeling healthy, but I guess I'm just feeling old. When I found myself crying in my coffee this morning because my kids are growing up and no longer playing with all their bath toys, I decided to attempt to escape my doldrums with my usual Monday routine at the gym. I mean, come on, what did I expect? The cubs are 10 & 12! I don't think they've played with bath toys for years - at least not Darlin', Buddy just graduated to showers this year.

As the conversations surrounding me at the gym revolved over discussions of children, babies to sweet sixteen, I naturally found myself crying in my please-pick-me-up-Starbucks-non-fat-decaf-cappuccino on the ride home. Being that it is lacking the all important pick-me-up ingredients ... it didn't do the trick.

Recently someone was telling me how they went through a period of grieving when they realized they weren't going to be having any more children. She said she kept crying over all the old baby and toddler pictures, because she would no longer be that kind of Mommy any more. I suppose that's how I'm feeling today, as I choke back the tears yet again this morning. It's tough to accept not being that kind of Mommy anymore sometimes. I just need to focus on being a new kind of Mommy, where we play basketball instead of swing at the park, or Risk instead of Monopoly Jr., or be amazed at their classical pieces instead of twinkle twinkle variations, or women's size 6 1/2 hot pink heels instead of Disney Princess sandals.

Home alone, my mind is flooding with all the cute little memories of the cubs growing up. Dance recitals and pink tutus for Darlin' at 2, jumping up and down on stage and clapping for herself when she finished performing for the first time! Little Buddy at 2 crying in the parking lot because he bit his tongue. Me standing there laughing, because he stuck it out and asked me to kiss it to make it better! Piano performances at the mall where passersby would stop to stare at the adorable little boy (4) who would continue to play as he turned and smiled at the audience every few seconds. Darlin' (4) who pulled out all her toys and stuck them by the front door when I told her we were going to look for a new house. When we pulled up to the first place to look at she asked, "Is this the house store?"

Ahh, now I finally have a smile on my face this morning.

Philippians 1:3 - I thank my God every time I remember you.


Anonymous said...

As the mother of men now (wow, where DID the time go?) I can tell you that this next stage is so great. You won't believe how your relationship with your kids changes when they are teens. You aren't "that" mommy anymore, but I promise that this next stage is so fun, you won't miss it (at least not much).They become the witty, funny, interesting people that you love to hang out with. Watching them blossom is half the fun! Enjoy :)

Sarah said...

I hear ya, Monday was tough for me too. Nasty weather, etc. Hope your week is going better. Have a great weekend. We will be up at the cottage. Are you going to the beach?

Allison said...

Even though this post was about you being sad I was so glad you posted it! I am trying my best to soak in every second of John David's baby and toddler years and it just reminds me that those efforts are not in vain. I will be so glad one day that I did. I was just telling a friend today that I am really bothered by the fact that on his next birthday he will be...three! Where did two go? His birthday isn't until September, but still. It's out there, looming.

Allison said...

Hopefully it's just the busyness of summer that's keeping you away from your blog...but I miss you!

Denitra said...

Gee, thanks:) I've just been soooo busy with the end of school and Darla's sixth grade "graduation"! It's been one party or field trip after another for a couple weeks. I was hoping to post something today or tomorrow, but once again I'm on the run. . .so we'll see!